“How does it feel finally being done with chemo??”
This question is the number one question I am asked at this point in my leap. Honestly, it really has not set in quite yet, but some that has set in is FEAR. As crazy as that sounds finishing treatment is almost scarier than being diagnosed.
When you are diagnosed with cancer, or any disease at that, you learn a new normal. You become very dependent on your doctors and nurses to tell you whats next and what you need to do. Yes, when you finish treatment they give you a since of hope, but it is no where near what it is like when you start treatment; they are there to help you fight for your life;. You don’t have to go to the hospital at least once a week anymore, you don’t have to watch for germs nearly as much, you don’t have to feel TERRIBLE every second of every day, you don’t have to wake up every morning and feel like you have been in a fight with someone and were unable to hit back, and finally you don’t have to you don’t have to be poked in the chest very week!
I know God says, “But now, this is what the LORD says– He who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel:”Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; YOU are MINE.”- Isaiah 43:1, but the FEAR of the future is real. I know that no matter what God has a huge plan for me but there is so much anxiety that comes with being finished with treatment and his plan. The fear of going back to our normal lives, the fear of every ache and pain and what it could be, and lastly the worst fear of them all, relapse. Again I understand what God says and I trust in him with my whole heart but that FEAR is so real! Thanks to prayers and keeping busy, I try to keep that fear in the back of my mind rather than something I think about daily.
I have feeling once hair starts to grow back and once I finish with scans the feeling of being at peace and having hope will set in. Scans will be every three months and scansxity will set in each time. I would like to ask everyone for continued prayers as, yes my big leap is over, but I have entered an even bigger leap! It is a leap that can not be controlled! Thank y’all for following my leap again! Yall rock!!!!
“I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my FEARS.”
With Much Love,